$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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