Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
