Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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