don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
