it hurts more in the daytime
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
