No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
