i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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