is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
