I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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