i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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