I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
So vagazzling was a success
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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