and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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