kristin has been a bad kristin
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
