is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
