We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
