sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Randomize
