ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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