well I can't set my house on fire every night
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
