better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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