She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I love you. Go after that dick
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
