when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
