I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
