went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
