Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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