Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
