I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
