Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
