I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
