when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
