I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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