I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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