I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
