She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
