so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
