I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
