I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
