um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
