I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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