im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
