Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
