It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
