i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
