I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
