I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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