Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
