yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
