Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
