I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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