I've blown a few things in my day
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
