There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
accomplished twins. life is a go
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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