they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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