Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm too high and old for this...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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