...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
