ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
