Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
