The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You were trust falling into bushes
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
