So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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