He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
