Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
