Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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