Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
